"Breaking Free: Strategies for Getting Unstuck and Moving Forward"
We all get stuck and get in our own way. It happens to everyone, but you are responsible for responding to that situation and taking control of your life. In my experience, Human beings have one superpower, and that is the ability to give meaning to experiences and the ability to respond to those experiences.
The word responsibility may cause some bristling emotions if you maintain that the pain you have and continue to experience was not your fault.
So let me be clear.
I just wanted to let you know that I am not asking you to shoulder the blame or accuse yourself of painful events you have experienced. Trauma is authentic, and good people, for no fault of their own, have endured appalling experiences. Sadly, that is woven into the fabric of the human experience while here on this planet.
The undoubted truth is that life is Unfair, and to believe it should be fair guarantees a constant source of suffering. And let us be honest. Where is it written that life is or should be fair? Life is as it is, but only ALWAYS.
Knowing that fact, developing an intimate relationship with reality is crucial. You must divorce the stories of how things should be and marry the truth of how things are.
You are 100% respons-able for how you respond because you are always able to respond. It is our responsibility because our ability to respond will define our lives.
The resolution to life's difficulties is hiding in plain view. Look at the words. Response-ability... The ability to respond.
Respons-able... Able to respond.
We are account-able for everything because we must be able to account for what shows up in our lives and respond in a way that empowers, not disempowers.
We are respons-able for our transformation and equally responsible for maintaining those changes. That knowing. Owning that will change your life beyond all recognition.
When I first learned the difference between blame and responsibility, I was blown away, but at the same time, I found myself nodding in agreement with my mentor.
He said, ''Darren, I am not asking you to shoulder the blame for what happened. I am asking you to be responsible for what happened. I am telling you that you get to choose how you wish to respond. Your ability to respond in any way you choose will define your life, moment by moment.''
How did I know that? How did I recognize that what he was telling me was the truth? Again, the answer is hiding in plain view. To recognize is to Re-Cognize or to RE-KNOW something already known.
We know many universal truths, but they often become shrouded by years of parental, societal, religious, and cultural conditioning.
The word "recognize" is derived from the Latin words "re-", meaning "again", and "cognoscere", meaning "to know." Therefore, recognising something means knowing it again or perceiving it as familiar.
Recognizing something as accurate implies that you already know it, but it has been obscured or forgotten due to various factors. This is where the concept of "re-knowing" comes into play. It involves revisiting and rediscovering what we know to be accurate at a fundamental level.
Re-knowing requires a certain level of self-awareness and the ability to question one's beliefs and assumptions, something I am keen to expand on as we proceed.
It involves unlearning and letting go of past conditioning and preconceptions for a more objective and authentic understanding of reality.
To be clear. I am not on a witch hunt to condemn and attack religion or what my parents taught me. Most people, discounting psychopaths and those with anti-social personality disorders, do their best, with good intentions, with the tools and information available.
It is a fundamental belief of mine that each of us is doing the best we can with the emotional resources available to us at any given time. This perspective acknowledges that our behaviour and choices are appropriate for our level of emotional intelligence.
However, it is also self-evident that our personal truths are shaped by various factors, such as upbringing, conditioning, and past experiences, which can undermine our ability to be the best version of ourselves.
To be aware of this fact is to recognize that there may be information we have forgotten but once knew and must be relearned. This process of re-knowing involves simply remembering who we were before developing limiting beliefs and untruths got in the way.
With this awareness, we can unlearn past conditioning and preconceptions and allow ourselves to operate at a higher level of emotional intelligence. We are capable of doing better once we know better.
I would love to tell you that you can take a magic pill to alleviate your suffering. I could tell you there are tarot card readers, alternative healers, shamans, energy wizards, light workers and enlightened gurus who can do the work for you.
Alas, I cannot because there is not!
However, I can help direct you to where you want to be. I can be the bridge you walk to a new empowering destination.
I will give you the tools, teach you new skills and provide the necessary information, but you have to decide to use and apply them.
Too many of us have become accustomed to looking "out there" for the answers. We think of our doctors, coaches and therapists like rolling into the car workshop and stating, "I'm paying you, so fix what's wrong!"
You are not a car; hence, human modification and repair doesnt work that way!
I offer highly effective techniques and potentially life-altering information, but it requires your full participation and willingness for the process to produce your desired outcomes.
Anyone telling you differently is misleading at best and dishonest at worst.
I wish that that wasn't the case. I wish that somebody could rescue us all. But nobody's coming for you, me, anyone.
So, you must take action if you want to change anything.
Nothing changes if nothing changes; without new information, and repeated application, you will continue to behave autonomously, day and night, and then wonder why you can't change as the suffering you experience continues to define your life.
We say we're going to lose weight. We say we are going to exercise with regularity.
We say we are going to eat healthily.
We say we will go to bed earlier and wake up at sunrise.
We say we will stop smoking, drinking and basically wasting our time. We say we will stop dating those who are bad for our health.
We say we want to forgive those who hurt us, but secretly we hold on to that resentment to justify our choices and feelings.
We say all these things and more, but we are forever falling off track. We are constantly getting in our way. Well, it all stops. It stops right now if you ARE READY.
I repeatedly state that repetitive action is the mother of mastery, and without it, your dreams remain just that- dreams. And mastery is not a mythical unicorn that lives in the realm of fairytales. Mastery is not a function of genius or talent. It's the application of time and focuses devoted to a particular field of knowledge.
Once realized, mastery becomes available to anyone willing to tick those boxes. You are not your history. And your past does not equal your future unless you dwell there.
A snippet from my soon-to-be-completed
second book, Choices & Consequences - A blueprint For Life Mastery.