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  • Writer's pictureDarren Timms

Can you handle the truth?

The truth may hurt but fooling yourself will enslave you.

You too can change!

This is most important, when trying to change. This can be difficult if we continue to make the same mistakes. I am as guilty as anyone in this department and took me many years of trial and error before reaching a point where I became aware of who I was attracting and why.

I used to wake up, look at my partner and wonder how an earth I had managed to effectively date the same woman with a different face.

From the needy who didn’t shut up, to those whose pulse I had to check to be sure they had not passed over. From the angry, lying, hot-blooded Latina of South America to the misleading Swede who defined lying, as a fault in a child, an art in a lover and second-nature in a married woman. From the exotic, label wearing Italian, to the barefooted, bohemian hippy from the Baltic.

I have dated these and many more, and one thing I realized.

Each relationship mirrored back to me where I was and hence where I needed to be at that time. The aspects I was attracted to in each of them were the aspects of myself which I looked upon as favorable. What I did not like were personality traits I did not like in myself, yet unable to acknowledge. This, however woo-woo it appears to be, is universal among human beings.

There appears to be an intelligence that presents to us repetitive lessons, until we finally realise what we have been doing all along. The reason we attract those who mirror ourselves is because the ego does not want us to unveil the many flaws or weaknesses we each carry. The ego depends on these frailties and stories we tell ourselves and others, to maintain and uphold its identity.

It feeds on drama, is addicted to conflict, and constantly needs a dispute where proving oneself right is more important than the subject itself. The ego does not wish to come to an agreement or make progress, it needs to feel superior by winning the argument. The idea of agreeing to disagree is painful for the shadow self or ego, as it undermines the identity built on the belief of superiority.

Many clients, primarily, find it difficult to spot in themselves the unfavorable traits being echoed by a partner, friend, work colleague, family member, or anybody else for that matter. But, on closer inspection, one sees the unfavorable traits we try to cover up or do not admit to. The reason it can be confusing is this. What we do not like about ourselves, is displayed by an exaggerated version in others.

Remember, much of belief is a projection. We do not see things as they are, but as we are. Meaning, the traits we really dislike in others are those we fear can be found in ourselves.

An extremely selfish person will be appearing very unsavory to those who also have a selfishness problem. There are levels, sure, but the underlying emotion, which bothers you, is one you carry yourself.

Apply this to any emotion that carries a charge within you when exposed to it, and you will see, if brave enough, that you too convey the same behavior, irrespective of the intensity to which or how its displayed.

Apply this to anger, jealousy, faithfulness, honesty, dishonesty, resentment, critical, judgmental, superiority, inferiority, greed, stingy, two faced, bitter, aggressive et al and see for yourself, again if brave enough, that you too share at some level, the emotional traits you find unfavorable.

The ego does not want you to figure this out. It wants that you continue as you are and date or spend much time with those whom guarantee a constant supply of the unrest that naturally accompanies time spent with them.

What is does not want is that you rise above the painful and emotional threshold which has held you captive, and start to attract, different circumstances, events, and people, including potential partners who align with your new-found values, morals, and fundamental beliefs.

It works the same way for positive traits, that you are drawn to in others.

These qualities replicate at some level, qualities you find appealing in yourself. Often, we want to further develop these positive traits, hence we gravitate towards or admire in those who have an abundance of positive, emotional qualities, we wish to have ourselves.

It was not until I had spent a vast amount of time studying Human psychology and behavior, the law of attraction, the familiar patterns we appear to share, and why we do the things we do, did I conclude I was attracting to me aspects of myself.

Not only the emotional and character traits, but the energetic blueprint which each of us have, and transmit every second of every day. Energy doesn't lie, unlike ourselves who spend wasted effort and time role playing.

Until then, I would blame anybody other than myself for the pain. I would sit and berate life for introducing me to women that I blamed for my discomfort, telling anyone unfortunate enough to listen.

Once I had re-framed it, I realized each girl had entered my life to show me where I was on my journey. My vibe had attracted my tribe. The same way, they too had attracted me into their lives to learn about themselves, whether they realized it or not.

With greater clarity, I began to drop that which no longer served my greater good and naturally gravitated toward those who aligned with my new values and purpose.

We can all learn from disturbances created by relationships, both past and present. Rather than bang your head against a wall, losing yourself in a fog of depressive emotions whilst pointing fingers at those you hold responsible for your suffering.

Re-frame the situation and pay close attention to the emotions that arose in the past or emotions that continue to do so, for it is the repetitive, emotional responses that need to be understood.

Our partners, events and circumstances are always the trigger, the catalyst for the work we must undertake to grow. It is a universal law that does not bend nor break.

Having trouble changing? Are you unwilling to face your truth?

Make an appointment today.

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