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  • Writer's pictureDarren Timms

Self love is not selfish love!!!

Everything, all our behaviors are triggered, unconscious patterns playing out. Change the patterns, and the behavior changes automatically. You change and your outcomes change, and we find ourselves doing things that cause happiness not despair.

Your pattern of taking care of everything else before you have taken care of your needs is causing pain and hardship. A modern society has told us to take care of others before we take care of us, but you can’t pour from an empty cup, its impossible.

Self-love is absolutely vital. And please do not mistake self-love for selfishness. Its non-negotiable if you want to be your greatest version.

Putting yourself last is doing yourself and your loved ones a dis service and continuing to do this will result in burn out, meaning you will have nothing to give to yourself or others, including your loved ones.

Time for an analogy...

‘’The part of you that you are ignoring, when you put yourself last is like the hungry, thirsty child and that child is clinging and begging you for food and water. When you don’t take care of yourself, you are effectively telling that child, be quiet well I get everything done and take care of everyone else, then I will take care of you''

When you ignore the child, which represents your own legitimate needs, you are ignoring your own genuine requirements and as the demands get louder from your inner child, which it will, the battle to keep it quiet becomes painful, destructive, and draining.

Truth be told, there will be not a time when everything is done and others don’t want something from you and if that be the case, when will you ever get to you? If you keep ignoring the part of you that needs to be taken care of, at some point your child will go silent, and close down completely.

This is not what you want at all. A child that gives up looking for secure attachment and the love it needs to feel safe is a broken soul and when it does give up, you are in trouble. Mental, emotional, and physical fatigue. Anxiety, depression to name just a few.

Bottom line. Do not wait until your child is starving before you take care of you. You deserve love, time, and energy to live joyously. Your inner child needs your love, it needs your attention and it needs it now.

Put your hand on your heart and repeat this mantra while picturing you as a 6 year old child… ‘’I’m sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you!’’

Keep going until a new feeling of wholeness arises within you and keep doing it every time you find yourself falling back into the old patterns and more importantly, start listening to what your child needs to feel safe, loved and secure and act accordingly.

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